I don’t want to be admired for accomplishing difficult tasks.  I don’t want to be the reliable one, the kind one, the strong uncomplaining one.  On a beautiful summer day I don’t want to spend hours scraping rust off convoluted steps, applying primer and then awful shiny paint.  ( Easy to apply according to friends. . .friends who will admire my work when it is safely complete). In fact aluminum paint is like water, runny and inclined to drip particularly if one has to hold the brush upside down.  To paint the underside of steps one has to hold the brush upside down a good part of the time with the result that I began to look like the Tin  Man in the Wizard of Oz.  That is a cute phrase to make the readers smile but for much of the afternoon yesterday I did not smile.  Quite a few salty tears mixed with the paint, probably impeding it’s rustproofing capacity a little.  That was yesterday’s task.  Today I scrabbled a hole in the lane to plant a lilac bush contributed by the Green Lane movement of the city of  Montreal.  The one I planted two weeks ago was run over.by a large crane that was  installing a ” spa” for my neighbour.  This morning, for five hours we had the crane on one side and some sort of plumbing machine on the other.  I am short tempered and very very sorry for myself because I have to deal with these things..  I want some kind and capable man to “handle” it all.  I am resigning from my customary persona.